Wednesday, March 23, 2005


Firstly, an apology, then some wee bits, then the sex. Ok? Ok.

I’m sorry I’ve been so slack with updating. I’ve been busy, and my hand-me-down laptop is a cunt. Promise that, after Easter, I’ll get back to daily-ness.

Some bits:

- Just saw Bill Bailey with mama. Best seats in the house. And so funny. His Kraftwerk version of the Hokey Pokey, oh my god.

- Had my first driving lesson today (perfect fucking timing). Yes, Desci is 23 and doesn’t drive. Fuck off.

- One of my oldest, dearest friends, Hi-skool, caught me out by accusing me of having a blog. Being a shit, shit liar, the cat fucken leapt outta the bag. I think she’s trying to find it. Hi-Skool, you know who you are, and if you’re reading this, I’m very, very fucking pissed at you. And I told you there was shit here that went far beyond ‘too much information’ territory. I love you, I adore you, but you suck. And are sometimes overly fashionista / trendy-vacuous. And, when we bump into someone you know, would it kill you to do a quick intro? Some people may find hanging by your side while you enjoy a lengthy one-on-one with a stranger, rather tedious.

- Most exciting-est thing happened! A package came from Lord Krankington, DIRECT from the USA! It has one third of Boyfriend’s pressie in it (the chocodiles!!) AND some fucking awesome bonuses: some creepy sweets called, (and get this) Cream Savers (I know, isn’t it?! I gave one to my brother, he loved it… yet was way creeped out) and these chewy-looking things that I’ve not yet teared into, called Mucha Luchas, which have some super cool freaky cartoony packaging. I’m keeping one, will give one to Boyfriend. So cool. Kranki officially has (yet another) couch on which to crash when he comes to Australia (coz he’s just gotta!) So Krankiboy, thank you, thank you, thank you. And your tim tams and fruity chewies are… practically in the mail. xo (euch, I’m suck a slack fucken caaahnt).


Boyfriend and I were meant to see Hating Allison Ashley yesterday (it was my fave book in primary school) with Sunshine, Jaxx and Junior. But Junior and Sunshine had to work, and Jaxx was only going coz Sunshine, his girlfriend, was going. So it was to be just Boyfriend and I.

‘New Couple’ cliché moment #578-B: we never made it to the film.

We had sexy-fun-time, culminating in me giving him a blowjob. He came *quite* a bit, so I spat in a tissue, had a mint (at his insistence, like always, bah) and we had a cuddle. Then we grazed on some pita bread, cheese and dip while we watched Futurama on his video projector.

I was getting tired, so I decided to go home. I got off his bed, and stepped in something wet. It soaked through my sock, and I thought, ‘hm, we must have spilt one of the glasses of water’ when I looked down…

…to the now flattened semen/saliva tissue I’d carelessly thrown off the bed.

Ew, ew, EWWWW. Such ickness is criminal. Eeeew.

‘Bizarrely’ enough, I didn’t find it as hil-aaaarious as Boyfriend did.

Tomorrow! (Night, a bit later than usual): 1900 Freakline! Ooh! Ah! Ooooh!


BANA said...


Don't be too hard on the boy. These things happen. If a bloke is tired, has stress, smokes, is pissed, overwieght, or has high blood pressure, sudden flacid moments can occur.

Nervousness re performance is a sure "let down".

Sometimes soreness can cause it, where it is because your starting to dry out, and he's chaffing or his back is getting sore.

Sometimes during intercourse when the bloke is about to get off, a slight change in angle, pressure, etc can cause him to just not quite make it, resulting in him continuing to pump away and not quite getting there. Eventually leading into tiredness and the enevitable loss of erection. if this is the case he should ask for a position change. A blowjob or handjob may be just as effective as changing positions.

Unfortunately, blokes are raised to beleive that they are under pressure to perform. This is especially true with the younger ones.

Understanding, communication and exploring each others bodies are the key as well as the fact the quality of sex will improve the longer you are both sleeping with one another.

Adam 2.0 said...

Typical New Shag nervousness. A question - has he done it unpro before? Sometimes the sensation, coupled with a relative inexperience can conspire to psychologically affect the performance.

And trust me - as a wise train driver once told me - always believe in something to look forward to. Because it will keep you perky no matter what.

So, look forward to the comfortable, regular, safe barebacking you're going to be copping in two months when you and the boy are fully ghey for each other.

Anonymous said...

AFE: Must we use the word 'barebacking'? Seriously - that just sounds criminally sleazy. The only time that term should be used is in conjunction with a gloryhole in the bogs of the Forum in 1976.


Desci said...

BANA - jesus, my 'giving sex advise' karma must be paying off. Thank you so, so much. several of the things you said, apply to him, and it's made me feel a LOT better hearing it from someone else. I'm starting to think Funzo Ex3 was a freak for never, ever having probs!

AFE - I'm pretty sure he's never gone au naturale before, since he's only done it in highschool. And I believe that was with protection, but I'll have to ask him. Cheers ;)

1.0 - (*singing in a breathy, olivia newton-john voice*) I looooove you, I hhhonestly looooove you.... ;)

Anonymous said...

I could be wrong, but perhaps your boyfriend needs to learn to rub his penis harder against your vaginal walls, instead of just aimlessly thrusting into the middle- like we all think is what should be done i.e. “Sex is simple! Just poke away!” But that is about as correct as driving a car as they do in cartoons. It is, however, more complicated than that. Neither driving cars nor sex is precisely as we assume it to be.

The vagina is quite a lose opening, and at times it is difficult for the male to sustain hardness just thrusting into something which is not snug around the penis. So by getting him to rub his penis with more pressure against your walls, he will receive greater stimulation, and be harder for longer. Doggy style is the best for increasing stimulation. Especially for getting him to rub the underside of his penis on your vagina, if you get what I mean. Missionary is a bit dodgy, though not entirely.

This business of you riding him is also bit dodgy, because he can’t rub harder (as I previously suggested) at will, rather leaving the rubbing to you, and obviously you’re going to satiate your needs, and leave him outside of it to be getting a limp bizkit. He needs to be able to apply more stimulation as he needs it, otherwise he goes limp. So I guess it’s more important for him to be in control because he goes limp otherwise. Whereas you cannot go limp.

Hope this helps someone.

Jelly said...

Fun post. Enoyable for all ages and races.

ChrisV said...

Desci: I'd like to add to the chorus. A lot of guys have that happen sometimes. I have. Thinking someone's sexy and keeping it hard are two totally different things. If both of you stay chilled things will sort themselves out.

Desci said...

Thanks anon and ChrisV, for advise and reassurance - both a huge help ;) xo xo

and Jelly, well yes, yes I'd like to think so :P