Monday, March 07, 2005


- Didn’t end up going to the drive in on Saturday. Inclement weather. Instead, had a few friends over, Jaxx bought all these snacks with him, and we got stoned and watched the first ten minutes of a movie in which Lisa Kudrow (droooool) plays a society girl who raps. We had to turn it off, as we just felt too embarrassed for everyone involved. Then we watched Hebrew Hammer, which was so baffling most of us had trouble following it. (Think Jewish Austin Powers. In hindsight, it was probably very simplistic, but we were quite, quite stoned).

- Urg, I’m so poor at the moment. I’m like, ghetto poor. I’m officially at the stage where I would gladly give handjobs for money. (Oh come on, Desci, when have you NOT been at that stage, you dirty showoff?) Any dirty old men with deep pockets, email me. (Is she joking? Well, she’s pretty poor… you decide. Baha!) So poor. Damn student life.

- Yesterday arvo I get a call on my mobile. A gravely, heavily accented voice asks to speak to… did he say Funzo Ex3?! how did he know that? Does he know about my blog? Who is he, and how did he get my number? Fuck! What’s happening?! …Turns out it’s the Agent , scaring the crap outta me just coz he can. He asked if I wanted to go on the Rude and Naughty Show (8.30 – 10pm Sunday nights on 90.7 SYN fm) to talk about blowjobs. We arranged a time when he can call me. However, Sunshine and I were still having dinner when he called at 9, so I had to go hide in the bathroom and talk there. The acoustics were terrible, so I couldn’t put on my sexyeloquent voice. Waaah. But twas fun-fun.

- Sunshine is so sweet! I’ve been giving her all this advice about her and Jaxx (they’re both virgins, love each other an obscene amount, but were too scared to discuss sex stuff). It was no prob; I like sharing the love/helping others. But she bought me a present on Thursday, for all my help. Awwww. It was the Frente cd Shape, which I’ve been meaning to get only… for the last ten years or so. On the gift pack, she wrote: Dearest Desci, thank you for your knowledge, your friendship, your love. Happy Thursday! Love, Sunshine xxoo’ Awww!

- The above two points hereby qualify me as a Sexpert. Dear god I hope I get that Voiceworks sex columnist job.

- Saw Saturday Night Fever: the Musical on Sunday. Scored free tickets and wanted to see if it was as bad as these guys said . And yes, it totally was. Oh, my, god. Arse squared. Like an arse giving birth to an arse, which is giving birth to an arse. Which is sucking. Brrr. At least Sunshine and I got to laugh at them. But still.

- For some reason, over the last few weeks I’ve been coming kinda loudly. And I’m not talking about with Boyfriend (I’m pretty vocal there anyway, so that’s a moot point) I’m talking about when I’m flying solo. Like, you know when you’re tossing DIY, when you reach orgasm, years of teen bedrooms (and bathrooms, and classrooms… kidding, I’m kidding) means that you’re able to climax reasonably silently? Well, for some ungodly reason, I’ve been a little gaspy and stuff. Must re-train myself. Masturbation: the silent pleasure. There’s a highschool doco right there. ’Hey kids, when you’re pulling yourself silly, remember! You don’t live alone. So at the crucial moment, keep it quiet!’

- Desci’s Guide to the Melbourne International Comedy Festival will be up tomorrow. So worth the wait. How else you gonna choose what to attend?


Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

<catholic guilt>
the brothers at the catholic school I went to told us that if we did it we would go blind, so we were all very quiet so god wouldnt hear us.
</catholic guilt>

mnkymelbourne said...

wo would ever believe that wanking could cause blindness - even in primary school I knew that was crap - I mean how could semen cause blindness - maybe if everytime you come you rub the semen in your eyes you could go blind. Hey all this talk of wanking reminded me of something - did anyone else play 'sticky biscuit' in school. Bunch of guys (girls could be present) all start wanking over a big biscuit (usually a salada-4crackers joined) last guy to come has to eat the biscuit - oh the memories that are flooding back!

Anonymous said...

ewww... did anyone actually eat the biscuit?

Trent McMann said...

Hahahaha... what the fuck?

We played 44-See-Home and fucking Chasey in Primary School.

And various variations on some alcoholic beverage... you know, the one where you pelt people with a cricket ball... It got banned so many times, I can't remember what it was originally called.

Desci said...

Brandy, Dr Cam. Twas brandy.

Soggy biscuits was more a mid highschool thing from what i can gather, but i didn't *actually* think people played it! Wow.

Alex said...

Loved the Radio show interview!! You are quite the expert, hats off