Thursday, November 24, 2005

Black Puppy

I’ve been weird lately.

It’s coming up to my favourite time of year, (my birthday, Christmas season, etc). Yet I keep crying.

I have my period, so the pre-bleeding emotional shit should be over. I don’t know why it’s happening and it’s pissing me off. I’m just… sad. And so unmotivated; I have all this stuff to do this holidays and I just can’t be bothered with it. Which is scary territory, but a papercut to a broken arm is like this to depression. So I just figure I’ll examine why it’s happening and try and change it.

I think it’s mostly one thing that feels insurmountable but I’ll try to work on, and also perhaps just crumbling after the shit in Fockedtober. And… probably because I’m shitscared of honours, not just the Impending Workload of Doom but the whole no money thing. I’m just bloody sick of looking for work though. Everyone says it’s about who you know. I know a guy who gets very reliable pills for a very reasonable price, a sound engineer, some writers and some students. Useful.

So yeah. I’ve been flat lately. I’ll shake myself out of it in time for the Festival. (More about that later)

**weird pc corner** I got up this morning and turned my pc on. The monitor was all blurry. Like, really blurry. (I thought there was something wrong with my eyes for a second. I suck) Turning it off and on made it clear for a bit, then it would go hella blurry again. Then there was this snappy/poppy kind of sound, and its back to normal: clear as a bell and spasmodically turning a little over-blue. Hambo?


Anonymous said...

sometimes when you're hormones change (just in the normal course of getting older) your pill can make you a bit les miserables like that.. maybe you should check that out and see if its not messing with your emotions.

Dollop said...

Aww, gettin all Ian McEwan in the title picked me up

I'm with anonymous - I've had girls spiral so low due to Pill alone. Go off for a bit n see.

Desci said...

I think it does have a lot to do with the pill. I'm gonna do something about it.

kathrynoh said...

I reckon it's just a reaction to the stress of the last month. I get like that when I've been through an insanely busy time - it's like you are so focused on just getting through everything that when you come out the other side, you completely fall apart.

flashman said...

PC corner: Snapping noises in conjunction with your PC monitor usually means that there's a short-circuit somewhere inside the monitor. What you can hear is electricity arcing between contacts. I'm guessing it's a heavy cathode-ray tube, and not an LCD?

If it's still under warranty, see if you can get a new one. It's good that it still works, but the blue flickers mean something might still be wrong.

I can't remember whether this kind of problem starts happening more in cold or hot weather (or maybe I'm talking out of my arse).

In regards to jobs, check our jobs site every fortnight or so... we occasionally have some pretty cool stuff going in Melbourne, though it's mostly Sydney.

Hambo said...

PC Corner.

What Flashman said, if its under warranty, then you should take it back to where you got it from. I hope you kept you recipts. Im not nerdy when it comes to screens, so from what I know, I think you should listen to flashman. Whoa, I said the same thing twice. Flashman plays a bitchin' game of halo. LOLS

As for your depression, join the club, every day I wake up depressed. Such is life by the way.

Desci said...

K-oh: that makes sense, that one would just CRASH after such a shitful month.

Flashman is hereby the most useful person in the world. xo

And Both mr F and H: It's an old hand-me-down from Boyfriend, so I doubt it's under warranty... but I've put a cool frame of red, black, blue and green electrical tape on it, and two little stickers: one of lego Darth Vader, and one of lego Yoda, So it's super cool (plus it's the perfect width to put a box of tissues and my strong sad figurine atop) so I *CAN'T* replace it!

Stubbadub said...

I feel your pain regarding uni poverty. I have just finished 1st year as a mature age student, and after seeing the hits my bank balance has copped, the only way I am going back is if I win/steal a large sum of cash.

Perhaps you should think about working for a year and then doing honours? My sister did her psych honours year like that, and the break really helped her focus and develop her alcohol tolerance.

I have thought long and hard and about continuing tertary study, and I can't see myself ever making enough to pay back what I spend over the 4 years of the degree in lost wages and HECS. Plus I fucking suck as a student. I don't think I handed in anything on time this year.

As much as everyone who has a fulltime job bitches about it, if you can get something in the field you are in, I say go for it. Work can be good for the soul.

flashman said...

Cool, Strong Sad.

p.s. Hambo, I've given up Xbox for the time being - as of, like, yesterday. I was totally addicted.

Desci said...

Stub - if i get a job in the field i want, I won't even *have* to do honours. But yeah, I wanna do it this year because it'll be easier to just be poor (like im used to) over having a joe-job *then* going back. Grmph.