I’ve been weird lately.
It’s coming up to my favourite time of year, (my birthday, Christmas season, etc). Yet I keep crying.
I have my period, so the pre-bleeding emotional shit should be over. I don’t know why it’s happening and it’s pissing me off. I’m just… sad. And so unmotivated; I have all this stuff to do this holidays and I just can’t be bothered with it. Which is scary territory, but a papercut to a broken arm is like this to depression. So I just figure I’ll examine why it’s happening and try and change it.
I think it’s mostly one thing that feels insurmountable but I’ll try to work on, and also perhaps just crumbling after the shit in Fockedtober. And… probably because I’m shitscared of honours, not just the Impending Workload of Doom but the whole no money thing. I’m just bloody sick of looking for work though. Everyone says it’s about who you know. I know a guy who gets very reliable pills for a very reasonable price, a sound engineer, some writers and some students. Useful.
So yeah. I’ve been flat lately. I’ll shake myself out of it in time for the Festival. (More about that later)
**weird pc corner** I got up this morning and turned my pc on. The monitor was all blurry. Like, really blurry. (I thought there was something wrong with my eyes for a second. I suck) Turning it off and on made it clear for a bit, then it would go hella blurry again. Then there was this snappy/poppy kind of sound, and its back to normal: clear as a bell and spasmodically turning a little over-blue. Hambo?
36 minutes ago