Thursday, April 26, 2007

Teen Rapist Gets the Chair

A man calling himself The English Language has been jailed for the rape of seventeen teenagers over the last year, pending a death sentence.

He used the popular website Myspace to befriend them; posing as a fellow teen under the handle ‘SeLf-RyChEsS_sUiCiDe’. He organised meets with nearly two dozen teenagers, using secluded parks as a meeting point. From there he would drag them into the bushes and viciously sexually assault them up to four times.

‘I figure they’ve been raping me for so long, I’d get a little payback’ the man said as he was dragged to the Electric Chair this morning.

Oh, har har fucking har.


Napoleon said...

I went on my 12 year old brother's computer the other day to block MySpazz. Clever, no? He won't work out how to unblock it ever.

‘I figure they’ve been raping me for so long, I’d get a little payback'

Who has been? So confusion.

Adam 1.0 said...

What a distasteful way to get to a decidedly average punchline.

Ren said...

Good grief. He should die just for spouting shit like that, nevermind a raping spree.

Hambo said...

Napoleon. If you want a 100% sure fire way to block MySpazz on your little bros computer after he gets around your block. Just give me a call. I can make MySpazz point to any website.

Make sure you remind me about the hosts file.

Anonymous said...

I'm confused as to who the author of this is. It's rubbish none the less.

- Student.

Desci said...

Yes, everyone, hence the 'Har Har Fucking Har'. It *is* shit. I should've been clearer on the authorship; someone who emailed me and a few other people thinking they were hil-aaarious.

Lindsay said...

Um, I still don't get it - please explain! (I NEVER don't get jokes, I feel so stupid...)

Desci said...

Linds - A friend (random acquaintance, really) emailed I know IRL me with this biting piece of social satire - they'd written it and bulk sent to everyone. I thought it was SO witty and incisive that I decided to put it up. Sorry, I shoulda been more clear! (*insert cookster-esque excuses*)