Saturday, January 01, 2011


'What is better than Jared Leto?' I ask you. 'Nothing,' you say, pouting prettily and tossing your golden curls. 'Actually good sir,' I counter, 'there is one thing better than Jared Leto...'

'TWO Jared Letos.'

Left: Streetwear Jared. Right: Formalwear Jared
New Years' Eve is Amateur Night. Everything is three times more expensive and five times more crowded, since people from the outer suburbs choose this as their one night to go out. And just try to get a taxi. For several years now, we've boycotted it and spent the night with my fave people.

This year it was at our house. First junk food, chips and chocolate of 2010… and last junk food, chips and chocolate of 2011 (yes, with the wedding and my 30th coming up, I'm continuing my hardcore bad food abstinence). Side note: How fucking delicious is pizza? I mean, really. It's very delicious. I'd forgotten that. Also, I literally got stoned off Koko Black chocolate. I had a whole bunch and thought everything was just lovely. It was awesome.

So a fun night with brilliant people. Only lowlight was talking to my boss at 11.30pm on New Years Fucking Eve about a Sunday 2 Jan meeting. Yes, there will be a boundaries talk at that meeting.

On the commute back to his brother's house, my friend… um, I forget what I call him on here. Comic Boy? Artist? We'll say Artist. Anyway, he and I were texting relaying. What started as Killers lyrics reworded to be about Brandon Flowers' mustache degenerated into what one calls a collective noun for Jared Letoes. He won, because he is much funnier than I am:

An eyeliner of Jareds  
A pout of Jareds 
An actor of Jareds 
A Feeling of Jareds 
A furtive, silent masturbating straight after school of Jareds 

A Haircut of Jareds 
A 30 seconds of Jareds 
A hated stepfather of Jareds 

Oh, and the Lyrics for Brandon's 'Tache included:
I got mo, but I'm not a moa-ner
(to the tune of 'Mr Brightside'): 'Vanity is calling me, wax it upwards to, the, skyyyy/because I am Da-li'.

Chocking on your handle-bar


RandomGit said...

A method of Jareds
An eclectic of Jareds
A shot of Jareds.

Desci said...


'Method' is my fave.